For the past while I have been pouring out my energy in a way that has left me feeling vulnerable. Very vulnerable. On one hand I want to share my time and talents with others but on the other hand there is great risk in being vulnerable. Right now I’m fighting this visceral desire to flee, to escape and avoid everyone and everything so that I protect myself from being hurt. I think it’s a normal emotional response to life’s challenges. I’ve also been praying for wisdom and seeking guidance. Last night I came across this verse in the book of James about wisdom: “but the wisdom from above is first of all pure, then peaceable, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without inconstancy or insincerity”. I wrote this verse on my whiteboard and have been reflecting on what wisdom truly is… and realizing that wisdom does not mean having the answers for everything.
Taking time for reflection has been helpful but I know that I do need some space as well. I do not cry easily so when I find myself crying I know that I need time to release, restore and reset. So for a while I’m going to step away from various distractions and self-imposed responsibilities. I will continue spending time on this space because it is a special to me but I will be taking a break from Facebook and incessant email checking. Essentially, I am going to step back so that I can enjoy summer to the fullest extent.